omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
