No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My balls are so social today.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
