It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
