So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
