brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
