Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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