Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
