Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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