2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dick has a subreddit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
