A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
