false alarm. still invincible.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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