Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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