i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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