Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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