Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
