we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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