You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
