okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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