Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Please don't give away my fajitas
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