my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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