I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
