for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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