he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
