Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
dude. I can hear the air.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
