she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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