Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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