dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
