Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
