did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
