Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh god the rape fog is back!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
50% drunk capacity currently
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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