sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
