That's when you crack a 10am beer
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
