Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
