just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
