: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
