I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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