My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
