My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
