I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
