Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
