you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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