This is not my ceiling
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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