Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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