Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
