i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's paint friendship bongs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
