No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
