She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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