yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
