so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
