does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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