Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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